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The Confusing Truth About Domestic Violence Victims




omestic violence gets much more attention than it used to even ten years ago.

While this is a good thing, it is still not often made clear why domestic violence victims seem to inevitably return to a dangerous relationship even though they know it’s a bad situation for them to be in.

Sadly, most of us know someone who has an abusive partner.

Wearing sunglasses to work, covering up bruises with makeup or making excuses about injuries are common red flags for an abusive relationship.

Some abusive relationships are not physically abusive relationships but are instead emotionally abusive.

Emotional abuse don´t cause physical injuries and can be harder to detect.

If you know someone who suddenly withdraws from friends and seems worried or fearful about their weight, leaving the house or making decisions on their own, they are likely in an abusive relationship.

The big question that is often asked is why do these people stay in relationships that make them miserable or even place them in actual danger?

Often the answer is a complicated one that has to do with various factors.

Social pressure to conform and to hide the fact that the relationship is not ideal can be a factor.

Abusers are often talented manipulators and apologize convincingly for what they have done and swear they will not do it again.

Some people stay in dangerous or bad relationships because they are genuinely afraid that their abuser might harm them, their family or their children.


Another factor that is often cited is financial need in situations where the victim does not feel they have enough money to go out and find a place to live or care for themselves.

In the case of a domestic violence victim who feels they cannot leave due to money, support from friends or family can help to end the relationship with their abuser.

Providing a safe place to stay and helping the victim to remove themselves from dependence on their abuser can make a world of difference.

Also, getting help to secure legal representation can make a big difference for victims of abuse.

Another way that domestic violence victims can break the cycle of abuse is to put away money into a secret bank account.

Many financial institutions will provide help to set up such an account and they are required per privacy rules to keep the account secret from anyone but those given permission to discuss the account and its existence.


Victims should also gather and save their important documents in a safe location.

A safe deposit box is a great way to protect these documents from an abuser or anyone else who might want to interfere with a victim’s freedom.

These documents are necessary to move on with life, take out loans or prove identity.

All joint accounts that the victim has control over should be closed or the victim should remove their name from the account.

Cutting off the means for abuse can help to take back control for the victim and make it easier for them to escape the situation.

Many large companies like Allstate offer programs to help victims escape an abusive relationship and to get their finances in order.

Financial advice and assistance can mean the difference between leaving a bad relationship and staying.

Victims are also strongly encouraged to apply for the annual free credit report that everyone can get one time a year.

Knowing the lay of the financial landscape can greatly assist victims in mapping out their financial future outside of the abusive relationship.


If you know someone that you feel might be in an abusive relationship, or if you yourself are in a relationship that makes you scared for your life or frightened to make decisions, reaching out to get help is the best way that you can start the process of ending the relationship.

For those who want to assist victims, educate yourself about the steps that are needed and help the victim to execute them successfully.

For victims, making a solid plan and then following through with it will be the most likely way that you will be able to leave an abusive relationship.



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